


Shagged Silly

by bobross



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, fun sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-15 23:36:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobross/pseuds/bobross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>And then John got <b>creative</b>.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shagged Silly

Every once in a while, John and Sherlock play a game. It's called _Deduce What I'm Wearing While I Shag You Rotten_. 

—Or it would be called that, if they felt the need to title their sex games.

_("Why don't we do_ Sexy if Ineffectual CPR by the Pool _again? I'll even wear the fake bomb vest this time, if you want."_

_"We played that last week, though. I'm partial to_ Drugged and Caged while Also Naked at Baskerville _.")_

Just... no.

The (mercifully unnamed) deduction game does exactly what it says on the tin: John gives Sherlock's magnificent arse a diligent plowing, and Sherlock tries to deduce what John is wearing while doing so. At the outset, it was just a matter of figuring out where John had been or was going (child's play), then going through his mental catalogue of John's clothing to narrow the options down. Easy.

And then John got _creative_.

The game has developed a few rules along the way. Peeking, whether directly or via reflective surfaces, is cheating and therefore grounds for disqualification and mockery. Hats don't count as clothing, per se, but odd footwear is highly encouraged. (Sherlock claims it could be useful for a case.) Genital jewelry and body paint do not constitute an entire costume, although Sherlock does rank that particular orgasm among his lifetime top five. There is no official rule against dressing as someone they know; the possibilities are too horrible to contemplate, much less acknowledge aloud.

Also, props are encouraged when appropriate, but insertion is now considered peeking.

_("Mmf, oh, God, that feels—_ yes _, right there! there, again, again—feels like a plastic banana. Please, again, almost—ngh! Carmen Miranda. Oh,_ John _."_

_"...How the **fuck** do you know what a plastic banana _ feels _like?")_

John doesn't actually crossdress very often, even for the sake of stumping Sherlock. The one time he tried wearing stilettos, he lost his balance and twisted his ankle. They finished anyway and afterward blamed the injury on the stairs. (Mrs. Hudson probably knows the truth. She usually does.)

Occasionally, John is the one cheating, but he's allowed to do so because Sherlock secretly loves his guilty giggle. John's cheats involve picking something screamingly obvious or otherwise deliberately giving the answer away.

For example: Sherlock will never admit aloud that the clown shoes had him stymied. He won't have to. It was all over when John gagged him with the squeaky red nose and then lubed him up with the facepaint. (To this day, John has no idea how they managed to get off. Every time they found a good rhythm, Sherlock bit down on the nose. _SQUEAK-squeak!_ They laughed until they cried.)

Sherlock did suggest, once, that they might switch places. It was a glorious failure, in the sense that John didn't make a single deduction, but Sherlock doesn't have the heart to tease him. John's brain just goes to pieces when he's stuck on Sherlock's cock.

_("For clarity's sake... when you said 'Cleopatra', was that a guess?"_

_"When did I say it?"_

_"Right before you climaxed."_

_"Then I have no idea. Probably a guess."_

_"It was a_ terrible _guess, John. Were you even trying?"_

_"Your prick was pushing my lungs out my nose, Sherlock, I was a_ little _distracted."_

_"...That is the most arousing hyperbole I've ever heard.")_

It's a good game, especially when it goes pear-shaped. No one's keeping an actual tally, but it must be said that Sherlock has won every round. (And John has never lost.)

**Author's Note:**

> Total crack written a while ago. Inspired by "John shags Sherlock until he is silly while wearing clown shoes." Not strictly a kink meme fill, but the thread of origin is [here](http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/17487.html?thread=102958927#t102958927).


End file.
